1. What is confidence?

Many people confuse confidence with certain attitudes and ways of being, such as being extraverted, having an open and positive posture, acting superior, being a risk-taker, imposing your views on other people, and being bold or cocky.

And while confidence can translate into behaving in some of these ways, I have come to realize over the years that confidence is not an attitude or a way of being but rather it’s a state of mind of trusting that you will be OKAY no matter what comes your way.

The word confidence comes from the Latin word confidere or confidentia which means having full trust or reliance, and so in its more recent, modern meaning, confidence is all about bold trust and full reliance and belief that you will be okay.

From that, we can infer that developing confidence comes down to cultivating a strong faith in your ability to navigate the future, which, in my experience as well as from my observations, comes as a result of becoming indifferent towards experiencing pleasure and pain and having a complete detachment from the outcome.

A confident individual is someone who is neither emotionally attached to experiencing pleasure nor does he or she fear experiencing pain.

It is this indifference that installs an inner peace and a deep sense of security within oneself and allows an individual to be confident in his/her ability to navigate the future, good and bad, and fearlessly take action.

Confidence is not something people are born with, it is something that people build over the years and start developing as early as in their childhood.

Some people were fortunate to have parents or caretakers who offered them a secure environment, which was propitious to developing confidence from an early age.

They were encouraged to try new things and take some risks, and they were supported in what they wanted to pursue and they did not have destructive limiting beliefs planted in their subconscious.

Most importantly, the people around them conveyed a sense of “we have your back”, if they failed.

Therefore, many adults can attribute much of their lack of confidence to their less than ideal childhood.

Our society and particularly the school system do not help either in developing confidence because they encourage us to be a “good boy or a good girl” by striving not to make mistakes, staying “safe” and not venturing too far outside of our comfort zone, and unquestionably, almost blindly trusting in established authority, all of which are the opposite characteristics of a confident person.

The good news is, neither the effect of early childhood on confidence nor social conditioning is a fatality.

Anyone can develop strong confidence at any stage of their life regardless of the family or the society they were brought up in.

In fact, the sort of confidence that someone develops later in life is often stronger and grounded on a more solid basis because it depends on them and them alone.

Also, true confidence is not circumstantial. It may be easier to act confident or to feel confident when you are good looking, wealthy, and have a lot going on for yourself, but that is not true confidence, because the security which comes from external sources is very fragile and elusive by nature and can vanish as soon as these external sources are lost. ( which happens more often than we think).

2. How does low self-confidence manifest in your life?

Although a bit vague and not so obvious to see, confidence is a determining factor in living a fulfilling, worth living life, and experiencing low confidence, often has very adverse effects on people’s ability to realize their dreams and reach their full potential in many departments of their lives (relationships, work, money…etc).

The followings are some of the symptoms of low confidence:

  • Excessive risk-averseness
  • Being a perfectionist
  • Procrastination
  • Fear of failure, resulting in no action being taken
  • Not knowing the extent of your abilities and not trusting them
  • Losing hope in the future
  • Not pursuing your dreams and aspirations
  • Having the “imposter syndrome” and believing you are a fraud
  • Doubting yourself
  • Negative self-talks
  • Being afraid to express your true yourself and show the real you
  • Being uncomfortable around other people who you perceive to be “better” than you
  • Relying on other people, needing other peoples’ approval
  • Shyness
  • Lack of assertiveness
  • Self-sabotage

If any of the above sounds like you, then you might be a good candidate for confidence coaching.

3. How to overcome low self-confidence and develop true confidence?

Confidence has many components to it, some of which are more subtle to discern than others.

For example, it is well accepted that acquiring competence and expertise in a specific area helps in developing confidence, but it is less obvious to see that having emotional awareness or integrating your shadow are essential to becoming a truly confident person.

Many people, including some coaches, address the confidence issue by giving action-based advice. They will tell you to do x y and z in order to work on your confidence.

However, as I was advancing in my journey to understand confidence, I realized that true confidence is more holistic, and by that, I mean that true confidence integrates 3 very important components, which are like the sides of an equilateral triangle: emotional mastery, as well as competence, and mindset.

Based on my observations and own experience, I found that confidence relies on the following 8 pillars that help build the 3 components of confidence:

  1. Knowing who you really are and focusing on your strengths.
  2. Accepting the worst-case scenario.
  3. Integrating your shadow.
  4. Breaking free from limiting beliefs
  5. Self-love and self-compassion.
  6. Developing confidence through competence.
  7. Developing an abundance mindset.
  8. Having a strategy and creating an action plan.

If you want to learn more and start your journey of building self-confidence, feel free to book your free discovery call with me here.

Discover my other coaching offers here.